Most arguments sprawl because no one sets a clock or a topic. Use a short loop with time caps so you either fix it, schedule it, or pause without damage.
Framework
Step 1 - Name and narrow in 90 seconds
State one topic in 12 words or fewer and agree to stay on it for 15 minutes
If either person adds a second topic twice, stop and reschedule a separate slot within 48 hours
Step 2 - Swap and summarize for 4 minutes each
Speaker A talks for 4 minutes while Speaker B writes 3 bullet points and reflects them back in under 45 seconds
Switch roles once and confirm a single shared problem statement that both could sign within 1 sentence
Step 3 - Choose an action within 15 minutes
Pick one of 3 outcomes by minute 15: fix now, schedule a fix within 72 hours, or pause and revisit in 24 hours
If no choice is made by minute 15, pause for 24 hours with no process talk in between
Standards on paper: 3 non-negotiables, 5 dealbreakers, 2 green flags
Cadence: Replies in 2 - 6 hours, follow-up in 24 hours, dates spaced 3 - 5 days
Quick Wins
Draft a one line topic in under 60 seconds before any hard talk
Ask 3 clarifiers only: what happened, what you needed, what you want next
End the live discussion at minute 15 even if progress feels close
Confirm who owns the next step within 2 hours and put a 30 minute block on the calendar
Script: “Let us run a 15 minute loop on one topic only. Four minutes each to explain, one line we both sign, then choose fix now, schedule within 72 hours, or pause 24 hours. Agree?”
If - Then Fallbacks
If voices rise twice in 2 minutes, then move to a 24 hour pause
If interruptions exceed 3 before minute 10, then switch to writing and exchange 2 messages each
If a boundary is crossed once, then immediate exit from the conversation and reassess the relationship
If 2 green signals and 0 dealbreakers in the next 7 days, then continue using the loop for 14 days
If scheduling chaos beyond 10 messages, then switch to a single 10 minute call or exit the topic
Closer
Conflicts shrink when the clock and the topic are tight. Keep it to one issue, one loop, one decision.
One Metric: By Day 7 - 2 loops completed with a decision in 15 minutes each. Else move to outside help or exit the topic for 30 days.
Proof over promises.
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