You keep having the same conflict every 2 weeks. Name it, count it, and you can reset momentum in 10 days.
Framework
Step 1 - Identify the loop in 15 minutes
Write the trigger pattern in one sentence and include a time or place anchor
Label it binary: solvable in house or needs an external helper within 30 days
Step 2 - Install the 2 - 1 - 24 circuit breaker
Two clarifying questions then one valid feeling label then a 24 hour cool off if voices rise above normal
If either person breaks the cool off once, schedule a 20 minute repair call within 48 hours
Step 3 - Run a 3 check sprint for 10 days
Track three behaviors daily for 10 days response time tone and plan follow through
If 7 of 10 days meet all three checks, continue, else scale the relationship down one level for 14 days
Standards on paper: 3 non-negotiables, 5 dealbreakers, 2 green flags
Cadence: Replies in 2 - 6 hours, follow-up in 24 hours, dates spaced 3 - 5 days
This gives both of you a clock, a floor, and a scoreboard so the same argument cannot stretch past 10 days without a decision point (use the The 90-Day Filter Playbook + The App-to-Date Converter (Bundle)).
Quick Wins
In 7 minutes, write the trigger sentence and the earliest memory of it
Ask 3 questions about the other person’s need timing place and intensity
End the next date at minute 80 to prevent late night rehash
Confirm the repair plan within 12 hours with one concrete time and location
Script: “When X happens we do Y by default and if it repeats once more this week we pause for 7 days to reset”
If–Then Fallbacks
If the same loop appears 2 times in 10 days, then pause intimacy for 7 days
If repair calls slip beyond 2 attempts, then pause all heavy topics for 14 days
If boundary is crossed once, then immediate exit
If 2 green signals and 0 dealbreakers, then continue for 21 days
If scheduling chaos beyond 6 messages, then switch to a 10 minute call or exit
Closer
Loops end when you measure and cap them. Short clocks create clean decisions and calmer weeks.
One Metric: By Day 10 - 7 of 10 days meet all three checks. Else scale down or exit.
Proof over promises.
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