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You are not “too much.” You are too vague. Plug the leaks and the relationship turns calmer within one week.
Framework
Step 1 - Map leaks in 20 minutes
List 5 recurring drains in the last 30 days time money energy access affection
Mark each as binary: allowed or not allowed with one exception per month max
Step 2 - Set the 2 request rule for change
Make 2 clear requests in 7 days for the same behavior and track the response
If no improvement by Day 8, escalate to a consequence the other person can feel within 48 hours
Step 3 - Install weekly caps
Time cap: 2 solo nights per week and 1 shared plan booked by Friday 5 pm
Access cap: phone silent during meals and sleep 7 hours minimum and no location sharing unless safety related
Standards on paper: 3 non-negotiables, 5 dealbreakers, 2 green flags
Cadence: Replies in 2 - 6 hours, follow-up in 24 hours, dates spaced 3 - 5 days
These caps remove ambiguity, reveal willingness to adjust within 7 days, and keep goodwill above 70 percent of interactions by Week 2, which you can operationalize with the The 90-Day Filter Playbook.
Quick Wins
Do a 10 minute calendar and cash review to find 2 leaks to close
Ask 3 questions about one pattern what happened what was needed what will change
End the next date at minute 90 even if it is great to prevent overextension
Confirm the next shared plan within 12 hours of agreeing on the category
Script: “I’m willing to do X once per week but not twice and if it repeats I will opt out next time”
If–Then Fallbacks
If the same boundary is crossed 2 times in 14 days, then pause intimacy for 7 days
If scheduling slips past 3 reschedules in 21 days, then stop proposing plans for 2 weeks
If boundary is crossed once, then immediate exit
If 2 green signals and 0 dealbreakers, then continue for 30 days
If messaging debates exceed 8 bubbles, then switch to a 10 minute call or exit
Closer
Boundaries are yes rules and no rules with clocks attached. When your standards are scheduled and counted, confusion fades and respect grows.
One Metric: By Day 10 - 4 boundaries named and 3 upheld with zero repeats. Else escalate or exit.
Proof over promises.
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