When something feels off, most couples either stay stuck or break too fast. Use a 30 day window with measurable checks so you repair what is fixable and replace what is not.
Framework
Step 1 - Diagnose in 72 hours
List the last 5 conflicts and mark each as logistics, values, or respect in under 10 minutes
If 2 or more are respect issues in 30 days, shift to replace unless there is immediate accountability within 24 hours
Step 2 - Run a 14 day repair sprint
Choose 2 behaviors each with a daily micro action for 14 days and a 10 minute check in every 3 days
If either person completes under 10 of 14 actions or misses 2 check ins, end the sprint and reassess at Day 15
Step 3 - Decide at Day 30
You want 4 of these 6 by Day 30: 2 repaired behaviors sustained 10 of 14 days, apology delivered within 24 hours of slip, scheduling reliability at 90 percent, tone neutral under mild stress twice, one future anchor plan, zero boundary violations
If fewer than 4 of 6 or any boundary breach, replace cleanly with a 7 day no contact rule
Standards on paper: 3 non-negotiables, 5 dealbreakers, 2 green flags
Cadence: Replies in 2 - 6 hours, follow-up in 24 hours, dates spaced 3 - 5 days
Quick Wins
Draft your two behaviors in under 5 minutes and define a daily action that takes under 10 minutes
Ask 3 check in questions only: what did you do, what got in the way, what is tomorrow’s plan
End each check in at minute 10 even if momentum feels good
Confirm the next 3 check in times within 12 hours
Script: “For 14 days let us each pick two behaviors and do one daily action. Ten minute check ins every 3 days at 7 pm. Day 15 we decide if we continue or end.”
If - Then Fallbacks
If a reply takes over 24 hours during the sprint, then log a miss and shorten the next check in to 5 minutes
If 2 or more misses in a week, then pause the sprint for 72 hours and reassess
If a boundary is crossed once, then immediate replace
If 2 green signals and 0 dealbreakers in a week, then extend the sprint for 14 more days
If scheduling chaos beyond 10 messages, then switch to one 10 minute call or exit
Closer
Repair needs a clock, a count, and a cap. If it clears the bar, continue with confidence. If not, exit without delay.
One Metric: By Day 30 - 4 of 6 checks pass with zero boundary breaches. Else replace.
Proof over promises.
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